i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
