you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
