Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
