Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
