If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
