Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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