btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
