Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
