were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
