Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
As shirtless as possible
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize