Nicole vs. Life
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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