Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
