The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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