I hate all girls vehemently.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
