Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
