he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
