***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize