Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
