Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
