I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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