He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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