Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
