Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
