HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
