her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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