Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
