its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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