You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
