grandma shit on top of the toilet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm always down for nudity.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize