Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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