At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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