Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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