I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
