If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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