Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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