I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
