All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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