why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
