your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
