Already got asked if we're dating
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
