my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
