Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
