Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
