I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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