Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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