Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize