I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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