I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
