So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
