Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
