and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
