How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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