so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
