T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
