I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
