Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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