So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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