No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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