doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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