he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
