I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
