Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize