this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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