Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
