Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
