I faked an abortion last night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
